IT People & Their Spare Time

@ndy    Funny, Interesting    

Heh.

it people, enjoy, work, dayjob

Popularity: unranked [?]

My Dog

@ndy    Funny    

Teacher: Simon, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?

Simon: No la, teacher.  It’s the same dog!

my dog, simon, teacher

Popularity: unranked [?]

Joke : A piece of advice while flying

@ndy    Funny    

I got this in my inbox today from a friend of mine, Hakim.

After a month-long holiday in the US , my wife and I finally boarded the plane in San Francisco last Sunday heading home. As the plane reached cruising speed with the seat belt sign switched off, a 6 ft 3′ black man with the build of Mike Tyson in the front row got up from his seat, turned to face the back, raised his arm and yelled, ‘HIJACK!’

Everyone was frozen to the seat, expecting the worst to happen And two stewards were about to jump onto this guy to overpower him when another voice answered from the back of the plane:

‘HI JOHN!’

The moral of the story is:
If you have a friend named Jack, for heaven’s sake don’t ever call him in the plane. Otherwise you may land yourself in deep shit.

Haha!

joke, plane, hijack, hijohn

Popularity: 18% [?]

Boys & Girls

@ndy    Funny    

Cheers!

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn’t heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me…

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we’ll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don’t you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He’d forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly. What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.

Girlfriend : “…And are you sure you love me and no one else ?”
Boyfriend : “Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday”.

boys, girls, story, jokes, no idea

Popularity: 46% [?]

Story to Tell

@ndy    Funny    

Once upon a time..

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: ‘Hi, how are you?‘

I’m not the type to start a conversation in the men’s restroom but I don’t know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, ‘Doin’ just fine!‘

And the other guy says: ‘So what are you up to?‘

What kind of question is that? At that point, I’m thinking this is too bizarre so I say: ‘Uhhh, I’m like you, just traveling!‘

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. ‘Can I come over?‘

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, ‘No……..I’m a little busy right now!!!‘

Then I hear the guy say nervously…

‘Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!‘

.
.
.
.
.

Oi, this is not based on my true story lah! It’s taken from my inbox! (i’m telling you, just in case..)

true story, funny, the toilet story

Popularity: 33% [?]

Ah Beng: New Stuff

@ndy    Funny    

Good Day.. Again! From my inbox. Hehe..

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
“My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610″

=============================================

Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College .
Friend : Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng : No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

=============================================

Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR : Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

=============================================

Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife : No! I’ll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I’ll also stay with your sister.

=============================================

Ah Beng : People consider me as a “GOD”
Wife : How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! You have come again.

=============================================

Ah Beng complained to the police: “Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.”
Police : “How the thief did not take TV?”
Ah Beng : “I was watching TV news…”

=============================================

Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying “Parking Fine”
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole “Thanks for complement.”

=============================================

How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

=============================================

Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would
be hot.

=============================================

Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says “Hello, how did you know I was here?”

=============================================

Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man : This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng : If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

=============================================

Teacher : “I killed a person” convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is “u will go to jail”

=============================================

Ah Beng told his servant: “Go and water the plants!”
Servant : “It’s already raining.”
Ah Beng : “So what? Take an umbrella and go.”

Enjoy!

ah beng, funny, jokes, humour

Popularity: 14% [?]

The Kuli & The Boss

@ndy    Funny    

Got this from a friend of mine..

The Kuli : To ask for salary increment..

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $omething mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company . I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your $ $ incerely,
Your Employee

And the reply……

My dear employee,

I k NO w you have been working very hard. NO wadays, NO thing much has changed. You must have NO ticed that our company is NO t doing NO ticeably well as yet.

NO w the newspaper are saying the world`s leading eco NO mists are NO t sure if the United States may go into a NOther recession. After the NO vember presidential elections things may turn bad .

I have NO thing more to add NO w. You k NOw what I mean.

Yours truly,
Manager

Heh.

letter, funny, boss, employee, salary

Popularity: 14% [?]

Tea Break

@ndy    Funny    

.. with Dilbert.

Popularity: 23% [?]

Jokes : My Network

@ndy    Funny    

Me: Okay…go to My Network.

Colleague: Okay..where’s your network?

Me: No, not my network. The MY NETWORK folder.

Colleague: My network?

Me: Yeah, double click.

Colleague: My network? Where got?

Me: Not your network! Go to the desktop, see at the top…

Colleague: Hello?

Me: Yeah?

Colleague: Ei, call you back, no network la.

Me: …..

my network, network, jokes

Popularity: 21% [?]

Oh.. this is funny

@ndy    Funny    

Came across this clip via youtube. Watch it!

The baby so serious one when he saw the brother’s mouth bleeding. Even the daddy also can’t tahan laughing. Haha! Funny.

baby blood, youtube, funny

Popularity: 53% [?]

A Letter to Ah Lian

@ndy    Food, Funny    

And again.. a friend of mine forwarded me this while I am waiting for my lunch time to come.

Dear Ah Lian,

Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.

You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.

You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger and fens fies.

After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.

Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.

I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon.

And when you got time, please few free to call me.

Goo bye…..

Worm regard,
Ah Beng

Ok, set. I’m gonna eat roti Nan with teh tarik for lunch. Should be enough, i guess. Let’s go.

ah lian, ah beng, letter, love, roti nan, teh tarik, lunch

Popularity: 24% [?]

I am 60% Optimus Prime

@ndy    Funny, Interesting    

I AM
60%
OPTIMUS PRIMETake the Transformers Quiz

I’m 60% Optimus Prime? I thought that the questions are something to do with the robots. But not at all. Try yourself. It’s fun!

transformers, optimus prime, autobots, quiz, decepticons, robots

Popularity: 22% [?]