Heh.

it people, enjoy, work, dayjob

Simon: No la, teacher.  It’s the same dog!

my dog, simon, teacher

After a month-long holiday in the US , my wife and I finally boarded the plane in San Francisco last Sunday heading home. As the plane reached cruising speed with the seat belt sign switched off, a 6 ft 3′ black man with the build of Mike Tyson in the front row got up from his seat, turned to face the back, raised his arm and yelled, ‘HIJACK!’

Everyone was frozen to the seat, expecting the worst to happen And two stewards were about to jump onto this guy to overpower him when another voice answered from the back of the plane:

‘HI JOHN!’

The moral of the story is:
If you have a friend named Jack, for heaven’s sake don’t ever call him in the plane. Otherwise you may land yourself in deep shit.

Haha!

joke, plane, hijack, hijohn

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn’t heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me…

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we’ll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don’t you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He’d forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly. What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.

Girlfriend : “…And are you sure you love me and no one else ?”
Boyfriend : “Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday”.

boys, girls, story, jokes, no idea

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: ‘Hi, how are you?‘

I’m not the type to start a conversation in the men’s restroom but I don’t know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, ‘Doin’ just fine!‘

And the other guy says: ‘So what are you up to?‘

What kind of question is that? At that point, I’m thinking this is too bizarre so I say: ‘Uhhh, I’m like you, just traveling!‘

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. ‘Can I come over?‘

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, ‘No……..I’m a little busy right now!!!‘

Then I hear the guy say nervously…

‘Listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!‘

.
.
.
.
.

Oi, this is not based on my true story lah! It’s taken from my inbox! (i’m telling you, just in case..)

true story, funny, the toilet story

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
“My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610″

=============================================

Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College .
Friend : Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng : No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

=============================================

Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR : Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

=============================================

Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife : No! I’ll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I’ll also stay with your sister.

=============================================

Ah Beng : People consider me as a “GOD”
Wife : How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! You have come again.

=============================================

Ah Beng complained to the police: “Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.”
Police : “How the thief did not take TV?”
Ah Beng : “I was watching TV news…”

=============================================

Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying “Parking Fine”
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole “Thanks for complement.”

=============================================

How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

=============================================

Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would
be hot.

=============================================

Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says “Hello, how did you know I was here?”

=============================================

Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man : This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng : If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

=============================================

Teacher : “I killed a person” convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is “u will go to jail”

=============================================

Ah Beng told his servant: “Go and water the plants!”
Servant : “It’s already raining.”
Ah Beng : “So what? Take an umbrella and go.”

Enjoy!

ah beng, funny, jokes, humour

The Kuli : To ask for salary increment..

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $omething mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company . I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your $ $ incerely,
Your Employee

And the reply……

My dear employee,

I k NO w you have been working very hard. NO wadays, NO thing much has changed. You must have NO ticed that our company is NO t doing NO ticeably well as yet.

NO w the newspaper are saying the world`s leading eco NO mists are NO t sure if the United States may go into a NOther recession. After the NO vember presidential elections things may turn bad .

I have NO thing more to add NO w. You k NOw what I mean.

Yours truly,
Manager

Heh.

letter, funny, boss, employee, salary

Colleague: Okay..where’s your network?

Me: No, not my network. The MY NETWORK folder.

Colleague: My network?

Me: Yeah, double click.

Colleague: My network? Where got?

Me: Not your network! Go to the desktop, see at the top…

Colleague: Hello?

Me: Yeah?

Colleague: Ei, call you back, no network la.

Me: …..

my network, network, jokes

The baby so serious one when he saw the brother’s mouth bleeding. Even the daddy also can’t tahan laughing. Haha! Funny.

baby blood, youtube, funny